I wanted to publish this story as a tribute to Neil Buccino, my grandfather who I affectionately called Papa. It is his birthday today: September 27th. Happy Heavenly Birthday Papa. I love you.
When you think of a young girl having a best friend, you might envision two little pony-tailed girls in their Disney dresses holding hands and skipping down the street. Although that paints a really cute picture, my best friend in life painted a cute picture as well. That picture would be me on my Papa’s lap playing with my baby dolls with him for countless hours everyday.
I lost my best friend, Neil Buccino, my wonderful Papa, on October 6, 2022; my 12th birthday. To some, birthdays conjure feelings of happiness and excitement. And that is how it always felt until two years ago. My papa was the biggest role model in our family and truly the greatest person I knew. So, this was an article I said I wanted to do last year in journalism, but I never had the courage and strength to write about this, but I feel now I am finally on the mend to talk about the most incredible and inspiring person I knew.
My papa graduated from Niles McKinley High School and was a 1974 YSU graduate with a degree in accounting. He was employed by The City of Niles with the street department, and served as auditor and service director for 43 years and retired in 2015. He married my Nana, Linda Thornsberry Buccino on April 6, 1974 and had two children, my mom Gina and my aunt Lisa. He had five grandchildren who he appreciated and loved so much, Logan Davis, Nick Arnaut, Sophia Arnaut, Maddie Davis, and me, Olivia Arnaut.
Papa enjoyed vacationing in Naples, Florida where both he and my Nana owned a condo for over ten years. We also spent a lot of time in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware almost every summer. Both places were filled with countless memories with our favorite person who we like to call “the patriarch of our family.” Family was everything to my Papa, and he was the glue that held us together. Grandpas do a lot for their family, but my Papa’s pride and joy was raising his family and seeing his grandchildren grow up. Unfortunately, that part was cut way too short.
Now, here is the part that I always seem to avoid…his sickness and story. His story starts out in 2018 when he was 65. He had to have quadruple bypass heart surgery. Whereas many people bounce back from heart surgery quite well, that was exactly what my family and I thought would happen to him. After all, he was in pretty good health. Sadly however, a few months later, he started retaining fluid which sent him to the hospital, and he was diagnosed with amyloidosis. Amyloidosis is a rare disease in which a protein called an amyloid builds up and affects different parts of the body. By 2021-2022, he was in and out of the hospital around ten times from fluid retention. October 4, 2022, was the last time he was in the hospital. He was put into Hospice which provides comfort and support to people at the end of someone’s life. Those days were the hardest, scariest, and what felt like the longest days of my life.
After school, on my birthday (October 6th) my sister and I went straight to the hospital to see him. Spending my birthday in the hospital is a day I will never forget. My family came in from Columbus and Michigan not for my birthday, but to probably see my Papa for the last time. Anyone who celebrates a birthday with family, well…they look forward to going out to eat and having a wonderful birthday dinner. It was so hard eating those amazing dumplings from Cracker Barrel yet seeing my Papa in his bed, so thin and not able to eat as well. It was just such an opposite kind of day because if I wanted anything, it would be to have my birthday dinner with my Papa by my side.
I wanted to speak to my Papa alone though on that day. He could still hear me; he just couldn’t respond. I told him about my day because I could always count on him to ask me about it–EVERYDAY. I talked about Ohio State and my dance season starting up soon. He attended every one of my competitions until he was diagnosed. He always listened and I knew he was listening now. I had a feeling that I knew he would end up losing his battle eventually even though I wished and prayed for some sort of miracle to occur. I told him thank you for everything he has done for me growing up; I do not know how I will be able to do anything without him. If anything, I will miss that the most. After talking to him, at around 8:30 pm, he took his last breath. They say that someone near death needs a sign to let go. My family says that he knew it was my birthday and that he would have hated to know that he left us on my birthday, so talking to him was the closure he needed. But I cannot stress how important that was for the closure I needed as well.
If you know me personally, you would know that both my grandparents mean the world to me. His passing left a huge void in my life. My lifestyle changed. Actually EVERYTHING changed. My attitude significantly changed. After he passed, nothing was the same: family dinners, holidays, vacations, traditions, etc. It wasn’t until a couple of months ago when I realized I was not the same happy bubbly person my friends and family were used to; something just always feels missing. My favorite memories with my Papa were when he taught me how to ride a bike or when we would make our traditional Pizzelles for almost every holiday. “You never get over it, it just gets easier” as some people may say, but I’m still waiting for when things will get easier for me because these past two years have been the worst and lowest parts of my life. I really do not like going about my day everyday with guilt. I have nothing to feel guilty about, but it is always just those extreme thoughts “what if I did this instead” or “maybe if I did this things wouldn’t have ended so tragically the way it did” that have an effect on me. Now that you have heard how I am doing, how are the rest of his grandchildren and even children doing? I asked my family the same question and here were their responses.
From my Mom and my Aunt Lisa (his children): Losing my father has been the most painful thing I have endured so far in life. Although it’s approaching the 2nd year anniversary of his death, some days are still a real struggle. He was my pillar of strength, supported me in every decision I made, and assumed the role of father figure for my children for the majority of their lives. There are so many memories I have of my dad but a few of them include traveling yearly to Rehoboth Beach with our family, him dancing in the middle of the intersection downtown Niles after our softball team won a playoff game, and watching him trick or treat in the hotel hallway in Columbus after an Ohio State football win. He is loved dearly and missed tremendously.Once Papa and Dad have died, our family will never be the same. He kept all the family together with Sunday dinner, holidays, and every day things special for each of us. I hope all of Papa’s grandkids never forget how much he loved them.
From Papa’s eldest grandson, Logan: I’ll never forget the countless memories I have with my grandpa like going to the Ohio State games or having dinner with our entire family every Sunday. You never forget what it was like to have a family member with you and the fun times you had or memories you made with them. Ever since my grandpa passed away, I realized that I should cherish every moment I have left with my family and call my grandma just to talk to her as it was something I wish I could have done more while my grandpa was still alive. I wouldn’t say that it is easy to move on from the loss of a close relative but it is easy to realize what good family members you have and to spend as much time with them as you can.
From Papa’s grandson, Nick (my brother): Things nowadays seem like they’re normal now that he’s been gone for a few years, but it really doesn’t seem like a normality to me. Growing up, I was so used to being with Papa everywhere I went, whether it be sporting events, dinners, or just going over to visit. Things are different now that he is gone, but he will always be in our hearts and thoughts forever. I love and miss him dearly. I had an extremely difficult time coping with his passing, as I have only been able to muster the strength to visit his burial site once. I was always reliant on the fact that he would offer me advice on when things were not going well and now I have to rely on the wisdom that he has given me throughout my life. I have since found solace in being around my family, especially my Nana, but also meeting new friends that I have made at The Ohio State University. I also find solace in the fact that Papa would be devastated if I were to sit and mourn about his passing, so with that I have fulfilled a lifelong dream of mine in attending Ohio State (which was also a dream for Papa to have a grandchild attend there) and am working extremely hard to try and become a physical therapist. I would say my favorite memory of my Papa was when he was able to be my confirmation sponsor, even when he was not in good health. I remember being upset that he may not be able to, but I was elated that he was able to have the strength to be my sponsor when he was ill. Other good memories that I have with him is when he would take me and my cousin Logan to Ohio State football games when we were kids. I know he is no longer here but I have an abundance of memories of him that I can recall.
From Papa’s oldest granddaughter, Sophia (my sister): Growing up, my grandpa was the closest thing I had as a father figure. After his passing I had a very hard time. From him cooking full course meals on Sundays or just him being at every Dance, Cheer, or Majorette performance always meant something so special to me. As I start this new chapter at the University of Kentucky, I know he is looking down so proud of me. He always taught me to chase my dreams and always get what I want. My grandpa was very sick for a very long time, and always in and out of the hospital. People always ask why I chose nursing as a major, it is because I would love nothing more than to help the people who struggle with the same things as he did and make them smile whenever I can. From two years ago, till today, and forever I will miss him dearly.
From Papa’s other granddaughter, Maddie: October 6, 2022 – A day I don’t think any of our family will forget. Even though it was almost two years ago, It still feels like yesterday. I am still used to giving him a call everyday on my nightly walk to tell him about my new school, my new cheer team, and my new life in Florida. Growing up, Papa used to be at absolutely everything for us, whether it was a school event (home or away) or even at my cheerleading competitions. It still does not get easier ‘till this day. Coping is still one of the hardest struggles I face. For Christmas, my Nana had all of us make a “Papa Bear” that has his Under Armour shirts sewn on and that I sleep with every night. I cherish every moment I had with him even if it was going to visit him in hospital or calling him and asking what they brought him for lunch. Every moment spent with him was always a great blessing. I do not think I could ever pick a favorite memory with Papa. He always made sure we all had the best memories to look back on. Whether it was a family trip to Disney, a trip to their condo in Naples, Florida, countless family trips to star of the sea in Rehoboth Beach, family Sunday dinners (every Sunday), making sure we had food every time we were sick, or even just a cousin sleepover at their house. Out of all the memories plus more, I would pick birthday dinners as my favorite. Every year around our birthdays, Nana and Papa would take us to our favorite choice of restaurant and make sure we have a birthday dessert. This was my favorite time because it was just me and them. Not being able to call and tell Papa about daily life challenges, how school is going, or even just to chat, is still the hardest thing. He definitely left a great impact on my life as a role model that I love and miss everyday.
The death of our Papa, dad, and husband has affected everyone in our family physically and mentally. Things will now never be the same; all we can do is remember all good memories, cherish his life, and use the advice and strength he has left us with. Eventually, things will be easier for us all. Getting even closer with my family after this has to be one of the best things to come from this at least, and having every single one of them by my side everyday makes this feel a lot less harder and more at ease. I know my Papa would be proud of everything I have done in the past two years and hopefully he is looking down at me with a huge smile. I hope he is proud of me. I have always thought of myself as a religious girl and my Papa instilled that in me. I will not allow my birthday to be a day of sadness any longer. I will celebrate my birthday on October 6th, and I will celebrate my Papa’s anniversary of his first day in Heaven! I miss you everyday Papa; Enjoy Paradise. Soon, we will meet again!
